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Neponset

by CK Field

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scrappyt Heartbreakingly beautiful. Truly hidden gem. Favorite track: Beer & Wiffeballs.
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    Limited edition 140g HQ black vinyl. Each record contains a double-sided Risograph print with the album lyrics as well as a unique Polaroid print, taken on the day of purchase. Limited to 50 copies.

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1.
1998 03:26
The premise of this song is that it’s 1998 and if I’d never met you that would somehow change your fate I think of where you were in school in Minnesota You took me there to visit once It was cold and it was winter And you were alive And you were alive And maybe there was a boy who also liked philosophy You could play mind games you were young and you were free And you were alive And you were alive (doing the mind) (one who lives there) (one who lives there) (one who lives there) (doing the mind guerilla) And I don’t know why I chose 1998
2.
They came around from out of town just to look at you To say goodbye, try not to cry what else could they do? what else could they do? what else could they do? We stood around in our yard throwing wiffleballs Back and forth, playing catch nothing said at all (as if George Segal-posed) nothing said at all nothing said at all (nothing said) (George Segal-posed) (nothing said) (George Segal-posed) Holding cans of beer, lost in fear some stupid sacrament The hissing of trees, you and me this fucking accident (I don’t want to leave you alone) (do you need to be alone?) (I don’t want to leave you alone) They came around from out of town just to look at you To say goodbye, try not to cry what else could they do? what else could they do?
3.
Just Love Me 03:41
She sighs at me and says, “Just love me.” As if I had a choice since I met her Ready or not I’m coming This pain cannot be named She sighs at me and says, “Just love me.” Every night I say, “I love you.” Reaching out in the dark to feel if you’re there Ready or not I’m coming I’ve never been so sad She sighs at me and says, “Just love me.” She sighs at me and says, “Just love me.” A simple point of fact since I met her Ready or not I’m coming Like this I can’t go on She sighs at me and says, “Just love me.”
4.
I Miss You 02:21
Sometimes I think you loving me was your only flaw Sometimes I think you loving me was your only flaw I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you (thirsty dropsy melts me) Sometimes I think you loving me was your only flaw Sometimes I think you loving me was your only flaw I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you (thirsty dropsy melts me) (thirsty dropsy melts me) I miss you I miss you
5.
Billy Joel 03:15
Fuck you Billy Joel The fuck you know about dying? The good do die young I can’t stop crying But I didn’t kill myself today I didn’t kill myself today I didn’t kill myself today And I know what you would say You’d say, “I need you.” Songs don’t get it right Every day is a dark day I can’t sleep at night Today was your birthday But I didn’t kill myself today I didn’t kill myself today I didn’t kill myself today And I know what you would say You’d say, “I need you.” You’d say, “I love you.” You’d say, “I can’t go on without you.” (pensive and faltering) (pensive and faltering) Fuck you Billy Joel I think you started the fire
6.
When I see pictures of you I want to live inside I want to live inside pictures of you I’ll always be in love with you I see you in his eyes I see you in his eyes in pictures of you I keep looking for you in places where you took me to I keep looking for you Someday I’ll find you I think of you everytime it rains everytime it rains everytime it rains I think of you and pictures of you and pictures of you
7.
I saw the weatherman when I looked at the TV I was standing in my parents house A place I never thought I’d be I was on the floor that I’d layed down Back in the first summertime that we started hanging around we started hanging around When we had our house we’d wince every time it rained and watch how the stains would grow every time it rained And your father built us A brand new metal roof He didn’t know what else to do he didn’t know what else to do Oh Barry Burbank talking with your Boston accent make it up as you go along you’re still on the TV you stupid motherfucker you’re still alive
8.
I thought your name was Leslie the first time I saw you Gray sweatshirt on your back How’d we end up here? You weren’t supposed to die I can’t find the point of living without you without you We felt the same, always Talking with our thoughts Train whistle blowing in the night How’d we end up here? You weren’t supposed to die I can’t find the point of living without you without you (I thought your name was Leslie) (I thought your name was Leslie) I thought your name was Leslie
9.
Auburndale 02:03
I was such a stupid little boy when we first met (I didn’t know that the town existed) I was such a stupid little boy when we first met (I didn’t know that the town existed) Oh Auburndale Oh Auburndale (I didn’t know that the town existed) Oh Auburndale Oh Auburndale (I didn’t know that the town existed) Oh Auburndale You made me into the man I am now I don’t know (I didn’t know that the town existed) (you made me) You made me into the man I am now I don’t know (you made me) (I didn’t know that the town existed)
10.
I wish you were a ghost Make yourself invisible walk through walls of children’s rooms I wish you were a ghost It’d mean that you were still alive instead of haunting people’s minds instead of haunting people’s minds Trees used to line this street Sorrow can’t be washed away I keep finding new ways to be sad new ways to be sad about you (are you driving circles around me?) I wish you were a ghost It’d mean that you were still alive instead of haunting people’s minds instead of haunting people’s minds
11.
It’s always calling me calling you and calling me (calling me) (the nothing) The sea the sea the sea The sea the sea the sea The old book Murdock wrote you carried in your coat (calling me) (the nothing) We walked along the sea The sea the sea the sea (calling me) (you’re all I ever wish for, all I ever wish for) This world is bullshit without you (all I ever wish for) This world is bullshit without you And all the things we’ve done Don’t mean a thing to anyone (the nothing) The sea the sea the sea (calling me) I walk into the sea The sea the sea the sea We walked along the sea The sea the sea the sea (calling me)
12.
Neponset 03:20
And it’s lonely as the place where they park the school buses at night I had to watch you slip away And piece after piece after piece after piece I had to watch them chip you away Now we go walking down to the river at the end of the block at night but we cannot find And we go walking but we cannot find you and we cannot find and we cannot find and we cannot find and we cannot find you.

about

THIS IS THE STORY OF THIS ALBUM:

I met Sarah Alicia West on July 4, 2001. We were together until July 11, 2017, which is the day she died from complications from bacterial meningitis. On March 27, 2017, she became suddenly and violently ill and within the span of six hours was unable to communicate–she never spoke again. I spent three months with her, in various hospitals, watching her suffer setback after setback. Her doctor and surgeon described her illness as a “cosmic injustice”; those words haunt me every day.

These songs are about Sarah and our life together and the life that my son and I have had to try to live without her. They were written mostly in the fall of 2018, after our son and I moved to Massachusetts from Kentucky. They came out quickly–I wanted them to be direct and clear, both formally (most have only two or three chords) and lyrically (using many words seemed superfluous or somehow crass). The songs gave me something concrete to work on during a very abstract time in my life. My life remains abstract and slippery without Sarah–her absence still feels like a cruel joke, acute and unreal and appalling. These songs stand as a representation of something specific: my love for her and the devastation of losing her beautiful presence in the world, in our lives, in every passing moment.

-CK Field, November 2019

credits

released December 6, 2019

Written by CK Field.
Produced and engineered by CK Field.
Additional vocals, bass, synths and production by Brian Coughlin.
Recorded in Massachusetts and West Texas.
Mixed by Ian Hughes in Marshfield, MA.
Mastered by Dana White at Specialized Mastering, Portland, OR.

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CK Field Boston, Massachusetts

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